Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I think I could have known this man in a past life?
Hi, so I met this guy when I was 15, we were both in the Youth&Government program in the YMCA. We took three trips throughout the year, the 1st in November, the 2nd in January, and the last trip in February. The first time I saw him, we were in the initial assembly, I was seated with my YMCA and him with his. I turned around, looked up and we made eye contact. It was the weirdest feeling ever, I knew right away that i was physically attracted to him but I've been physically attracted to plenty of guys and I've never felt the way I did when I laid eyes on him. Like a normal typical teenage girl, I told my friend i thought he was cute and told her not to tell him and of course she did against my wishes. Whatever she told him (because I ran away when she called his name) he would give me this "I know you like me" look. That same weekend at a dance, I was sitting in a chair, he walked up to me and danced with me in front everybody, all eyes were on us and I was in shock. After that night, I thought i was in love but as a young girl I didn't pay any attention to it. The next time I seen him was in Feb., he was dating a girl in his YMCA and i was crushed. He told a friend (whom I was also friends with) that he liked me but because the other girl asked him out first, he chose her. So fast foward to years later. I didn't see him until senior year, a mutual friend of mine had a party and i went along with my boyfriend at the time. My heart was beating so fast when i saw him but I tried to ignore it. That was in 2008, almost 2 years went by before I actually him again. In between those years, he would come across my mind frequently, it would be in the middle of the night or while i was in class, or while I was praying that he would come across my mind. I eventually found him on myspace but i began to visit his page so much that i felt like a cyber stalker. So i deleted him. I found him a year and a half later on facebook&requested him, he accepted me. I started to see these weird signs that had alot to do with him, i would go onto a person's random page and the person's first name would be his first name and the person's last name would be MY first name. mind u my name is very rare, not to mention ive never met anyone with my name, his name is a woman's name so i know it was not a coincidence. Anywho, i would be driving and i would see the craziest things that was linked to him. His close friend requested me on facebook and started inviting me to clubs (he was a party promoter) I found myself going to these clubs to see him, hoping that he would say something that he would confirm what I was feeling. When he seen me he hugged me with a smile and asked how i was doing and that it was nice to see me. (which wasnt too flattered by, Ive seen him interact the same way with other people) My heart would beat so hard and fast that I thought it would just pop right out my chest. I stopped going out to clubs for 6 months due to religious reasons and when i did go out i made sure that I would not see him. This man, whom I know little of would cross my mind so often that it scared me, I prayed about and asked God to reveal to me what was really going on or if there was anything to know. I know that i sound crazy but i am not. I do consider myself to be an intuitive person and maybe that has something to do with it, who knows? but i know what I feel and it is not just feeling that goes away, it has been 10 years and it is the same. I will never mention this to him because im pretty sure that he wil think im crazy stalker, i dont go to his page as much anymore and he doesnt cross my mind anymore bu he is always in the back of my mind. Im not in love with him because i do not know him but i feel a strong sense of affection, a connection with him that i cannot explain. Ive even prayed that I would get to know him and that he would do something to turn me off so i wouldnt think of him but that has not happened yet.. I guess I'll end this essay of an question but I hope I am not the only one in this world who feels this way :/
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